Patients are funny.

I believe that people think nursing is this all serious, all medical, all the time hard job to do. But you know sometimes, it is ridiculously fun. You get your laughs in while you can, because yeah sometimes we do have those “all serious, all medical, all the time hard” days where once your head hits your pillow all you can do is cry. But most of the time, the little quirks with people are what make your day. I had a patient a few weeks ago that when I walked into the room he was holding his wife’s hand and singing to her in Spanish (not well… but singing). And all he could say was “oohh how sad for you… you missed most of the show”. It was by far the cutest thing I have ever witnessed in my life. And another day I was walking by and my instructor said “look in there on that bed” and there was a lady’s wig sitting on the bed. And I had a patient who when I told him I had a very quiet weekend and that in fact yes I did stay out of trouble, he said “well I am terribly disappointed in you”. And don’t say you wouldn’t get a little chuckle from this tough tough guy with tattoos up and down his arm, just struggling to walk down the hallway and he has a side of his gown open… you really get your laughs while you can because it does get serious sometimes. But for the most part laughing with my patients is what makes my day. And for the most part, that’s all that people want... a little light in their day and be treated like an actual human in the bed, not just another case study.

Coassigns... the people that make or break you

While in clinical I find myself feeling like a train wreck waiting to happen. That at any moment that train will hit something or fall of the tracks and catch on fire… and then burn down an entire forest. Okay a little over dramatic I know but that’s how I feel. As nursing students we are meant to ride the line that separates confidence from insecurity, that we are to show on the outside that we know what we are doing, but on the inside… the way we feel is that every part of us is going to explode, or that every normal bodily function is just about to embarassingly, spontaneously occur. And to top that off, you have to reassure that patient of yours that you are completely competent and able to complete the task. However, at times there are coassigns that make your life hell. A wise, wonderful friend of mine who has since finished her schooling once told me “nurses eat their young” and she is completely right. At times your coassign will be wonderful and want to teach you things or ask you questions to enhance your learning and that’s okay. But then there are times you have a coassign from hell, who does all your work for you, makes you look bad in the eyes of your instructor or who does something extremely unprofessional. I’ve had a coassign ask me “are you going to do this patients meds or no?” while pushing the MAR (med administration record) into my hands and giving me this ridiculous look (when the medication was due at 2 and it was 150 and I was on my way there)…... I am not about to delve into details about things, but let’s just say I have seen coassigns finish tasks for students and then tell the instructor that they did it, question whether the student is going to do something when they were on their way to do it or walk in on students while they are performing a task, and at times those tasks have been very uncomfortable for the patient, and the coassign hangs out and questions what the student is doing. When in actuality that student is following what he/she has learnt as per policy and procedure. I don’t know, but once I get out in the real world, IF I get out into the real world, I would never, EVER do that sort of thing to a student. That makes the nurse look unprofessional and frankly… bitchy. I would want the student to learn, to show them things they haven’t learnt yet, or to show them some tricks of the trade. Like I said, students are frightened enough as it is and are nervous and anxious about learning a task. I would never want to belittle them or make them feel like they don’t know anything. Don’t get me wrong, most of the time, coassigns are awesome. They enjoy having students there because it gives them a little break from everything that they have to do, because that list can be pretty damn long. I have an immense amount of respect for those nurses and all that they do, and all the knowledge that they have. All I’m saying is, is that we have to have respect for each other, students for students, nurses for nurses. There is no point in being bitchy to be bitchy, it just makes you look bad and doesn’t give anyone a chance to create a good opinion about you. And opinions are hard to change. So be nice to people… and that really doesn’t take much effort….. Maybe karma will come back and do something good for you…

A terrible 6 letter word..... stigma

Mental Health. When you think about depression, bipolar disorder, personality disorders, or the “dreaded” schizophrenia…. What comes to mind? Do you think of the poor person who is struggling with the battle of the disease or do you think of a guy who is on a bus and cuts someones head off because he was ridding the world of a demon? I hate the image of mental illness the media is implanting on watchers. The media has taken mental illness and given it this absolutely terrible, scary spin. It seems that people can’t get passed the diagnosis in order to understand and to learn about the person behind it. No matter what the diagnosis is… diabetes… asthma… cancer… depression… schizophrenia… there is always a person behind it, right? So why is mental illness any different than diabetes or asthma? Why is it people are more likely to support a person with diabetes than a person who struggles with bipolar? When in reality aspects of mental illness affect your daily routine and functioning a lot more than diabetes… Is it that diabetes or asthma are more physical illnesses and there are definite tests that give you your answer than with mental illness? There’s no real test to tell you that you have depression. I don’t know what it is that makes people think differently about it, but I truly wish I did….
But if you think about it… how scared must that guy have been? Just put it into your head that the person sitting next to you is a demon… now how do you feel?… How about that everyone around you is out to kill you? How do you feel now? What about if there is someone behind you telling you to turn around, there is someone to the right of you telling you to turn right, someone to your left telling you to turn left and someone in front of you that is telling you to walk forward? Now what do you do? Who do you listen to? That is just to enlighten some of you. It’s not so easy when you think about it… and this is something that they will struggle with their whole life.
A very dear friend of mine, not too long ago, said “we are humans in this spinning wonder world, not anything greater not anything less”. There seem to be a lot of people to forget that they are humans such as anyone else and that each and every person deserves the same kindness and compassion. So when you meet a person who has a mental illness don’t shun them, embrace them… they may have some of the best stories to share with you.

Time to be free...

Forgiveness. ‘Easier said than done’ is my opinion. In a society reeking of justice, revenge and instant gratification it kind of makes it hard for forgiveness to find its rightful place within the hearts of people. Forgiveness is one that at times is confusing, it makes no sense, but it is also very powerful and miraculous. But when are you on the true path to forgiveness? It may be said on the outside, but inside, the thoughts are still there, still the anger and emotion of being burned. Deep down, true forgiveness cools that burn. Forgiveness comes from somewhere, someone who has an immense amount of faith in humanity and though it still can bring on the need for justice, the faith it stems from can enable you to forget the past and forgive someone for an unforgivable act. We’re told that justice or retribution will feel better, but forgiveness is freedom. It frees us from the burden that comes along with anger and leaves us with true inner peace. But, unforgiveness, it leaves us bound to our perpetrator; it leaves them with the power.
In a society that is obsessed with “fair play”, true forgiveness is hard to get to. We’re asked to let it go, to rein in our natural instinct for self-defense. We’re taught to burn those who have burned us and you “never let anyone get over your time”, is what my mom says. To forgive goes against our nature as human beings; we are selfish beings who hate to be scorned. Forgiveness demands that we let it go; we move on. A weakness? Or strength? To society it is a weakness and we’ve rolled over and let it happen. The journey toward forgiveness is most definitely not an easy one, with bumps and thorns throughout the path with feelings of regret, anger, and at times the need for retribution. But, in my opinion, to be able to forgive shows you are much stronger, the ability to fight back requires little effort, while to forgive takes a lot more time, patience and a whole lot of soul searching. We haven’t rolled over or given up, we have risen above and allowed ourselves to be freed from anger and hate.

A blog I meant to add a month or so ago...

Well…. What a week it has been! The fact that I feel stressed doesn’t even begin to cover it… I’ve never had so many pimples on my forehead or drank so much coffee or felt so ‘perma-nauseated’ in my life. Meetings with the chair of the program, angry students, angry teachers, papers, clinical…. I’m not about to dish out the details of the situation… but it’s safe to say it was a bad week with mistakes made, tears shed, excuses made, angry glances, and roars of rage. It can be very frustrating as a nursing student. You get blamed for most things that aren’t your fault, you get treated like an idiot much of the time as people assume you don’t know what you’re doing and you want to throw up a lot of the time from stress and nervousness from being so intimidated. However when we do get in trouble, most of the time it is what is required and there are times when we get in trouble and it is well deserved. We are supposed to be confidential and what happens when you talk about something that happens within the hospital, you get in trouble! That’s it. Nothing more to it. We are supposed to tell our instructor of our plans for the day and we have to give detailed descriptions of our clients diagnosis and medications to them and when we don’t know something it’s normal for them to have to take the appropriate action, you have to know your client, you have to know what you’re talking about. There are times when your instructor does make you feel like an idiot, but they’re not trying to make you feel stupid they just want to know that you know what you’re talking about. So we have to keep our heads held high and whistle while we work. Just keeping our heads above water is tough enough but we have to be there with smiles on our faces even if they’re fake.

Oh to be young and carefree.... sigh

Lately I’ve been finding that I miss the days when I was young. I miss the carefree lifestyle, the fact that you can do whatever you want at anytime of the day because your schedule was so empty. I hate having to be an adult. All that responsibility can be so completely draining. I miss the days when the biggest stress in my world was whether or not it was going to rain (at which time I would not be able to get on my bike to ride to the swimming pool). I’ve been noticing a trend with my wave of nostalgia and it seems to come about at this time of the year when the kids are getting excited school’s coming to an end and summer begins. I like summer, I do, but when you work all the time it kinda kicks the fun (the carefree guy with a smile on his face) right out the window and leaves you with a schedule, bills, work, and some old lady in a black and brown dress suit wanting you to clean the floors for her. It sucks being an adult. Responsibility takes the place of freedom. Children don’t realize how free they really are. They are constricted in the rules and boundaries their parents give them but once you’re an adult you have so much more to worry about. You’re a prisoner to your own schedule and you plan out every aspect of your life. You even have to plan your vacation… plan a vacation? It’s like an oxymoron.

Care Bears+ caring lessons = essential cartoon show that should be played as reruns on TV

wow... long title!!!!

Well, I don’t want to admit this but, I figure since it’s triggered something for me to start writing… here it is.

I love the Care Bears! I’ve loved them for as long as I can remember. I am 22 years old and I think I love them as much now as I did back when I was 5.

I know terrible huh? Haha Well what they said got me on a rant…. Caring for people is important we have to care for each other to make the world a better place.. yeah yeah okay okay … cheesy and ridiculous I know! But maybe with everything that’s been happening in the world today maybe some people need to go back to kindergarten and learn about sharing and caring and be made to watch some episodes of Care Bears.

I love shifts at the hospital for clinical. You get to help patients during a time when they’re not at their best. When you do something nice for them it’s like you’ve gone so out of your way to do it, when it is something so minute that it feels like it’s something you’re supposed to do. Just out of kindness. The smallest act of kindness is nothing to me if I do it, but for some people that small act of kindness completely makes their day. I was raised to be the type to do anything for anyone if I can at all do it. I see friends walking in the cold, I refuse to let them walk and I give them a ride. But there are some people who forget about the small things and I think people need to start remembering those lessons we learned back when we were 5… cause it seems there are people who are forgetting those simple little lessons that got us through kindergarten and most of our childhood….